Alternate Christmas Songs

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Alternate Christmas Songs

Postby The Anti-Crisst » Thu Dec 18, 2014 3:00 pm

These are Christmas songs... but with a twist! :lol Know one that isn't here? Post it!

Oh you better not shout,
You better not cry,
You better not pout,
I'm tellin' you why;

Daddy's home and I think he's drunk.

He's walkin' real slow,
He slurs when he speaks,
I don't even think
He’s shaved in two weeks,

Daddy's home and boy is he drunk.

He spent most of our money
On Johnny Walker Black
And then he took all of the rest
And lost it at the track.

Sooo.... You better not pout,
You better not cry,
I don't like that look in his eye,
Daddy's home and I think he's...
Daddy's home and boy is he...

Daddy's home and he's really drunk!

~~~

We three kings of Orient are
One in a taxi, one in a car
One on a scooter
Beeping his hooter
Following Ringo Starr

Oh-oh, star of wonder, star of light
Joseph caught his pants alight
Westward leading
Thru the ceiling
Leading to the electric light

~~~

Wreck the Malls this Christmas Seasons
Fa la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la;
Blow your cash for no good reason
Fa la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la;

(Refrain)

Push your charge card to the limit;
Fa la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la;
Your checkbook now has nothing in it.
Fa la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la.

Wreck the Malls with my friend Charlie;
Fa la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la;
Drive to K-Mart on his Harley;
Fa la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la;

(Refrain)

Tamper with their Muzak System
Fa la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la;
Switch something for Twisted Sister
Fa la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la.

(Refrain)

Wreck the Pet Store do some damage;
Fa la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la;
Send the beagles on a rampage;
Fa la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la;

(Refrain)

Acting in an uncouth manner;
Fa la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
Drop your drawers and moon that Santa.
Fa la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la.

~~~

Drinking around the Christmas tree
at the Christmas party rush,
Faces are hung o'er the balcony,
everybody is a lush.

Drinking around the Christmas tree,
let the Christmas drunkards through,
Later we'll do some vomiting,
and our arms will hug the loo.

You will get an upset stomach feeling when you taste
Vodka through your nose, oh golly,
Deck the halls with piles of vomit.

Drinking around the Christmas tree,
your hangover's on its way,
Everybody's wearing ice pack hats
in the new old-fashioned way.

(drunken sax solo.)

You will get an upset stomach feeling when you taste
Vodka through your nose, oh golly,
Deck the halls with piles of vomit.

Drinking around the Christmas tree,
your hangover's on its way,
Everybody's wearing ice pack hats
in the new old-fashioned way.

~~~


And finally, a song by Kevin Bloody Wilson. :lol

Hey Santa Claus you cunt!

Where's me fucking bike?

I've unwrapped all this other junk and there's nothing that I like.

I wrote you a fucking letter and I come to see you twice

Ya worn out geriatric fart, you forgot me fucking bike.

If I wanted a pair of bloody thongs, I'd have bloody asked.

And this cowboy suit and ping pong set you can shove right up your arse!

You've stuffed me bloody order up

It's enough to make you spew

And I'm not the only one who's snakey

Me sisters dirty too!

(female voice)
Hey Santa Claus you cunt!

Where's me fucking pram?

You promised me you'd bring me one, you remember who I am.

'Cause I'm the little girl who you made sit right on your hand

I'll give you fucking ho ho ho

You forgot me fucking pram

(male voice)
Next time I come to see ya, I'm gonna punch you in the guts

And I'll let your fucking reindeer go and kick Rudolf in the nuts!

You just wait 'till next year, when you go to that store

And me and me little sister, come stomping through the door

And we'll say, yeah you wait for it

Hey mums and dads you smell his breath and check his bloodshot eyes

And don't listen to him boys and girls 'cause he tells fucking lies

He's just a piss tank and a pervert, and he's not even very bright

'Cause the old fucking wanker

Forgot me fucking bike.

You wait you old cunt, I'm gonna dob you in

Tell me old man on you, he's gonna punch your fucking lights out!

~~~



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This year, I'm going to join our American cousins and celebrate Thanksgiving the old fashioned way. By which I mean I'm going to invite all my neighbours round for an enormous feast, kill them all and then take their land.

ImageImageImage

RIP Rocker And Legend. 1974 - 2008. Friend And Karaoke King.
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actifzoe
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Re: Alternate Christmas Songs

Postby actifzoe » Thu Dec 18, 2014 8:51 pm

a bit off kilter, but what the hell? we have to include genie and paula


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xDV_reO930A

part 2

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ESqJay4tT2k

:mrgreen:
the key to happiness is to stop giving a fuck.

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